Thursday, September 28, 2006

100th Post

This is my 100th post. Yes I had a slow start but the last couple of months I think I have been really good at blogging. I guess I have a lot to say lately and find writing helps me.

Like right now with my parents being away, having no one to talk to just to tell how my day went I have felt this intense need to write. I think God is using these three weeks as a time to refine me on the inside. I don't like not having anyone to talk to, yes I have my Grandma but it's hard to talk to her because she can't hear.It loses it's emotion when you have to scream. I also tried speaking my woes to Bella but I get the distinct impression that she has no clue what I am saying on the account of the tilted head.

It's very weird to feel so disconnected, yes I am doing the same things in the evenings as I always do but knowing that there is someone out there that wants to know how my day went is very comforting and not having that kind makes the day not as fulfulling. I guess I am really not as independant as I thought I was. I guess I really can't do it all on my own. Honestly, I don't think I want to. I think I need more of God and less of me. Have you ever taken a look at the word "Independance" it's in-dependance, in-dependance of. Thats what I want, I want to be in-dependance of God. I want to relie on God, to lean on him, to be dependant on him. My independance is tied into my dependance on God.

It's just an epiphany that I've had and it has made me think. I guess this silence (among the dog barking) is a time for me to look inwardly and redirect where my strength comes from.

No comments: